Here we go.... another detour in the road. I pretty much thought that I knew what my future is going to be. With Ed, it is to live together, enjoy the high moments and deal with the drama. With Nik, it was to play it by ear, watch him grow and develop into the final version of who he is to be and support him, no matter what, in his decisions. With Ben, it is to get him through high school and make sure he has a great final year, to send him off to the Air Force and keep tabs with him on a daily basis at first and then drift off to a weekly thing and to see the man of who he is to be. With baby Eddie, it is to be the Super Mom and be involved in every part of his life. To be "team mom" on his football team and soccer team. To take him to the park and on field trips. To be as active with him as I was with the older boys. But yesterday changed the way I look at my future now. I was at the Christenbury Eye Center yesterday in Charlotte. They had every kind of "toy" you could think of and some that I have never even knew could be. There were scanning lights that took pictures of my eyes. I mean I could go through a list but it doesn't matter. What did matter was that Dr. Christenbury himself saw something in my right eye and called in another doctor. That concerned me but whatever. They ended up putting a rounded tip needle (no it wasn't sharp) under my right eye ball and pushed it up (which didn't feel good) while looking in the pupil (while dilated). There is something that I don't know how to pronounce and said it is something they see with MS. I didn't even know what MS was and thought that I am to old to get anything now in this stage of my life. The bad part of it all and what I am going have to deal with is that there is no simple test for MS. You have to take tests to rule out everything else out and that can take a year or two. Tests like MRI, Spinal Tap, CAT Scan, etc. But all the symptoms I am 100% yes to. My family doctor knows my symptoms because of the different doctors I have seen before over the years. From numbing and tiggling in my hands and arms, forgetting a lot all of the time... to where Ed and the boys will look at me like "have you lost your mind...I just told you this yesterday or an hour ago", dim vision where Ben had to lead me to the car twice while out shopping, losing my balance (which they thought was vertigo that disappeared by itself magically...lol), fatigue which I will still feel after a 15 hour sleep, my muscle on my shoulders and neck get really stiff and I thought was the reason for my extreme headaches, the nerves around my left eye will twitch and I can't stop it, I have had bowel problems for years which I even call them "my attacks", and the depression is there which I have been on meds for about four years now. Now this thing shows up in my eye and they say....oh, it is a sign for MS. I am praying that this is not the case. I do not want this at all! I don't have time for something like MS. And I have to try and believe there is no way. But I am sad and worried. Mostly because everything that I have dealt with over the years regarding my health now seems to make sense when before they couldn't explain it. I debated about telling anyone until I am sure but that could be a year and I need to get this out. When you talk about something, it takes the sting out of it. I have a feeling that the doctor yesterday is right. It all fits. It all makes sense now. And if so, oh well. Like Ed says, we'll deal with it and it will be alright. I am still not sure of what MS is all about. I know that it is scarring of the nerves which also is called "Many Scars". And it mostly effects your memory, vision and moods but also effects your motor skill at some point. God I hope not. Like I have said so many times before, I truly believe in the power of prayer. When the doctors told me that little Eddie would have Down Syndrome... a one out of twelve chance....I believed in the power of prayer and have both my churches praying. Eddie is fine. Just perfect. So anyone that may be reading this, if you believe in prayer, please include me. I don't want this more for Eddie than myself. I want him to have a mom that can physcially and mentally take care of him and be physcially and mentally involve in his life. I go next Friday to begin the process of tests. I will update on my journal here. This is a way I can keep track of everything and as always, a way for my kids to see the past of our lives. This journal is our history. And in some cases, my outlet.
Uncategorized
-
This was sent to me and I loved it:
*Mama Test*
I was out walking with my 4-year-old daughter. She picked up something off the ground and started to put it in her mouth. I took the item away from her and asked her not to do that. "Why?" my daughter asked. "Because its been on the ground, you don't know where it's been, it's dirty and probably has germs," I replied. At this point, my daughter looked at me with total admiration and asked, " Mama, how do you know all this stuff? You are so smart." I was thinking quickly and replied, "All moms know this stuff. It's on the Mama Test. You have to know it, or they don't let you be a Mama." We walked along in silence for 2 or 3 minutes, but she was evidently pondering this new information. "Oh.....I get it!" she beamed, "So if you don't pass the test you have to be the dad." "Exactly," I replied with a big smile on my face!
-
This was on my Facebook and I loved it so much that I am posting it here:
Teach me, O' Lord, to hold my tongue
And tell me what to say,
If I am tempted to hurt someone ...
Or lead someone astray.Lord, I don't mean to criticize
Or cause them grief or pain.
So, help me just to bite my tongue
And teach me to refrain.The tongue is like a two edged sword.
It cuts so deep and wide.
So, when I feel like lashing back,
Please show my humble side.We can't be seen as Christians, Lord,
If we all fuss and fight.
We can't lead sinners from the dark,
If we can't shine our light.So, let them see you live in me,
Just as I live in you;
Because you judge us by the things we say
And by the things we do.Even a fool when he holdeth his peace,
Is counted wise; and he that shutteth his lips is
esteemed a man of understanding.Prov. 17:28
-
Tuddles came to life when I placed her outside beside the feeders. We had another hummingbird to visit and stayed for a long while checking Tuddles out. She enjoyed the fresh air and it seemed to make her hungry. So when we went inside... she ate two dropper full which I was glad to see. Since she can't live on sugar water alone, I am now adding fruit flies (mashed up of course) to her feeding. What I do for animals!
-
I slept for 15 hours! Ed has today off so he watched Eddie last night. Of course, Eddie only woke up once for Ed. After I got Eddie to bed at 9, I slept until 7 this morning when Ed woke me. I was up for an hour and back to sleep I went. I slept until 1pm. A total of 15 hours. I could go back to sleep now but Ed has gone to bed. This baby is ruling the nest here.
This is what I saw when I woke up at 1 this afternoon:
I am working on the back deck and screen porch. I had Ben help paint and pull out the spindles. I wanted to open the view. We have to finish painting the deck and now the screen porch. I want to place a river rock flooring on the screen porch. I'm trying to get all the outdoor projects finished before it turns cold. Then I will work on the inside some more.
We go tonight to sign Ben for the Airforce. I think I may cry.
-
Wednesday Ed and Ben put up the tree stand. Eddie and I went along to watch. Early training for the little guy. Thursday Ben and I did the yard work and today it is Eddie and I off to the grocery store. Ben is going to the football game tonight and then the weekend at his dads. Ed is going back to work.
Recent Comments